"A joke was not a single-use item but something you brought out again and again until it fell apart in your hand like a cheap umbrella."

"A careless speech writer includes the word 'paradigm' in President Reagan's speech on superconductivity. Yes, he pronounces it 'paradijum.'"

"Growing up, I always wanted to be just like Abe Lincoln. Dead."

"Old age is the most unexpected of things that can happen to a man."

"It's easy to identify people who can't count to ten. They're in front of you in the supermarket express lane."

"If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you."

"If you talk enough, you don't feel you have to _do_ anything."

"Of all afflictions, the worst is self-contempt."

"There is no way to happiness, happiness is the way."

"If you consider what are called the virtues in mankind, you will find their growth is assisted by education and cultivation."

"Grief and tragedy and hatred are only for a time. Goodness, remembrance and love have no end."

"LODGER, n. A less popular name for the Second Person of that delectable newspaper Trinity, the Roomer, the Bedder, and the Mealer."