"You don't like your job, you don't strike. You go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way."

"You know, the courts may not be working any more, but as long as everyone is videotaping everyone else, justice will be done."

"You know, the one with all the well meaning rules that don't work out in real life, uh, Christianity."

"All normal people love meat. If I went to a barbeque and there was no meat, I would say 'Yo Goober! Where's the meat!?' I'm trying to impress people here, Lisa. You don't win friends with salad."

"I hope this has taught you kids a lesson: kids never learn."

"I can't believe it! Reading and writing actually paid off!"

"There is no salvation in becoming adapted to a world which is crazy."

"She's the original good time that was had by all."

"I really can't come to your party Mrs. Parker, I can't bear fools.' That's strange; your mother could."

"Self-control is the chief element in self-respect and self-respect is the chief element in courage."

"Our business in life is not to get ahead of others, but to get ahead of ourselves -- to break our own records, to outstrip our yesterday by our today."

"Man goeth to his long home."