"For a while we pondered whether to take a vacation or get a divorce. We decided that a trip to Bermuda is over in two weeks, but a divorce is something you always have."

"Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends."

"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred."

"I don't want to achieve immortality through my work... I want to achieve it through not dying."

"Thought: Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage."

"More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly."

"MINE, adj. Belonging to me if I can hold or seize it."

"Enjoy things which are pleasant; that is not the evil: it is the reducing of our moral self to slavery by them that is."

"God helps those who help themselves."

"A national debt, if it is not excessive, will be to us a national blessing."

"Look at what your idea of success would be. The more that you take in external motivators, the more it reduces your ultimate satisfaction because it doesn't come from inside."

"Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself."